Alright, so Blackstone's acceptance rate is apparently lower than my chances of winning the lottery while being struck by lightning. 0.2%, people. That's what Jon Gray is bragging about? Give me a break.
The Hunger Games for Interns
57,000 applications for 138 spots. Are you kidding me? It's like "The Hunger Games," but instead of fighting to the death, you're just battling for the chance to make some billionaire even richer. And they start recruiting in sophomore year? Seriously? What happened to just, you know, enjoying college?
Blackstone is managing over a trillion dollars. A trillion. And these kids are killing themselves to get a foot in the door. It's not about passion; it's about prestige and the six-figure starting salary. Which, let's be real, probably doesn't even cover rent in some of these cities.
Taylor Kanfer, head of campus recruiting, says they hire "large majority" of full-time analysts from their summer internship. So, if you ain't got that summer gig, you're basically toast. Nice. Real nice.
Networking Your Soul Away
Then there's Brigitte Webb, the poster child for early networking. Sophomore year? Future Leaders program? Georgetown alumni connections? She even interviewed for investment banking roles. It's all about who you know, not what you know. Offcourse, she says hearing the acceptance rate was "surreal" after all her hard work. I bet.
"It underscores the importance of starting early and building your network early," Webb said. Translation: if your parents aren't already connected, good luck, kid. She's getting networking calls from students all over the country now. Feeling like a celebrity, are we?
Blackstone engages with over 1,000 universities now, up from 9 in 2015. They're casting a wider net, sure, but it's still a rigged game.
Webb chose Blackstone for the "culture." She didn't want to work somewhere where people leave after two years. "Whereas here, specifically at Blackstone, people tend to stay," she said. Is that because they're happy, or because they're trapped?
Meanwhile, Back in Reality...
Oh, and Blackstone is buying the SF Four Seasons for $130 million. A luxury hotel. Because that's what really matters, right? While the rest of us are struggling to pay rent, they're scooping up fancy hotels and bragging about their insane acceptance rates. The purchase of the hotel occurred amid a hotel market comeback Blackstone buys SF Four Seasons amid hotel market comeback.
The San Francisco hotel market is "on the up-and-up" because the crime rate is falling and the mayor is cracking down on homeless encampments. So, success is measured by how effectively we sweep the problems under the rug. Got it.
Is This the Future of Work?
So, let me get this straight: you need to start networking in high school, get an internship before you're even old enough to drink, and then pray you get one of the few coveted spots at a place like Blackstone. And if you don't? Well, I guess you're just not good enough. Maybe I'm just getting old, but this whole thing makes me want to scream into a pillow.